Life as a military wife

I googled this article after seeing it on the news last night. I didn’t quite catch what the news said about it because with four kids, if your TV doesn’t have subtitles (like the one in my room), you miss a lot. But it was a topic of interest because it deals with a very serious issue that I do not feel is getting enough attention from the military.

Let’s be real here, we are sending our men to war zones, where many of them are seeing some of the bloodiest and most gruesome scenes ever imaginable. Even in a time where society thinks gory video games are desensitizing people, these events cannot be prepared for. Men have lost friends, medics have stood by and held the hand of a young man dying while desperately trying to save him. They are victims of war. Many of these men serve out of pure patriotism while others serve out of necessity.

What we don’t hear a great deal about is how these events change these brave young men. My husband has done back to back tours to Iraq during the most dangerous times. He was part of whole Fallujah thing. So there are things I know he has experienced that I will never every be able to comprehend. Yes, after his third tour out there, he was a different man. I tell him all the time, how can you return the same? Events like that change you inevitably.

But what we don’t know is how hard it is to get proper care. When my husband finally sought help, he was told everything he was feeling had more to do with depression and stress and not PTSD. My husband could not go into public places because there were too many people around and it made him anxious. The day after he got back home from his third deployment I wanted to surprise him by going to a local indian casino resort. While I was checking in, he looked panic, was scanning around him, as if I had brought him to a marketplace in Iraq. Then for months he would scream in his sleep. This is depression and stress from a long commute? No. But no where in my husband’s medical file will you see anything about PTSD. It was a very hard time in our lives. It is hard to see the person you love go through such a difficult time. Sad, very sad.

Why is it so hard for us to admit that these guys, who on a daily basis risk their lives, need help. Is it their fault? No. This is just another issue of war. It happens. So why hide it? Why not give these men the help they deserve? I don’t get it. I think that it is the least that can be done for the men who sacrifice everything for their country and their families who make sacrifices, right along with them.

But this is not a generalization, it isn’t happening in all military commands. My husband was fortunate enough to seek treatment at another facility and got the help he needed. So it is not hopeless, but it can be very difficult. There is a lot of red tape. So for any of you military families reading this, there is hope. Keep fighting to get your loved one the care he or she deserves. Know that you are not alone. Do not let your loved one be a victim like the people in the article above. Talk to someone. Each command has some sort support network. If not, leave a comment to me here and I will see what I can do to help you. Just remember there is hope and there is help out there. Your loved one does not have to be a casualty of war.